Magazines

December 1st, 2007

Fléchelle

"Multiple Dating and The No Kissing Plan"

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."..
— Aristotle............

In a previous article, I mentioned that I would soon talk about multiple dating. Multiple dating without physical intimacy is a very important part of my program if you want to be married. Although hard for women to follow because it goes against women's natural instinct and desire-to nest and be monogamous-multiple dating will help you keep the reality of dating in perspective. Multiple dating without physical intimacy will also keep you from over-fantasizing on a particular man before he has had the chance to fall in love with you and give you the commitment you want and need.

Multiple dating gives many men the chance to compete for your attention. Why would you pass on the opportunity to be with the perfect man for you just because you are being courted by another? Multiple dating will make it possible for you to practice the "out of sight, out of mind" attitude. This attitude is crucial when your goal is to be married. No more wasted time sitting by the phone waiting for a call! Who wants to spend valuable time thinking about a man who might never step up to the plate?

Multiple dating will allow you to expand your horizons in regards to the type of man you are attracted to. Dating will become more interesting when you will allow many different types of men to take you out and court you. You will also become more attractive (and mysterious) to the men you date when you will become more interested in knowing about them more than trying to impress the "one" guy you are trying to get. Men will be drawn to your je ne sais quoi charms and will be enchanted by you.

If you are looking to be married, your goal will be more easily reached (on the emotional level at least) if you diversify by dating many men in order not to get too attached to one man (remember oxytocin?) before he commits to you. I find it wiser for a woman to obtain what it is she needs first before she starts feeling feelings of love for a man. Easier said than done!

How many years have you already lost thinking about men who were not there for you and are not in your life today?

Multiple dating will create a sense of urgency in the gents who court you. Men sense when you are waiting for them at home. When you are out and about, men will suddenly develop an urge to seriously hunt you. Can you see how much fun this will be?

A woman who multiple dates and keeps her head clear by following my "No Kissing Plan" finds it much easier to make a final decision when it comes to accepting a man's proposal of marriage. She might even receive counter-offers from other suitors upon learning that someone else has taken her off the market. No man likes to think of his future wife living with someone else! And believe me, men always remember the "one that got away." Not that you will care when you'll be married to the man you will have made a reality in your life.

Multiple dating is somewhat like being on an auction floor: the more people who want what the auctioneer is selling, the higher the price. The more "out there" and in demand you become, the more valuable you will be. So do not be afraid that the one suitor you like the most will leave you after finding out that you are seeing other suitors. While I do not suggest that you put in their faces the fact that you are dating others until formally engaged, you have nothing to hide if they ask you directly if you are seeing others. If asked-and only then-you may answer with a surprise intonation in your voice, something like: "Well, of course, darling. I am looking for a husband!" When men hear a logical answer such as that, they accept it. Your suitors will think, "Of course, she is smart not to sell herself short" and will start thinking how much you are worth to them and if they can afford to take you off the market themselves. No need to give long-winded explanations. Keep it short and sweet. The less said the better.

Take good care of your self and remember that men are as good as women require them to be.

Fléchelle Morin, relationship & dating specialist and motivational speaker, is the author of the book "Kissing Or No Kissing; Whom Will You Save Your Kisses For? A Dating Guide To Creating Your Dreams." You can send your questions or comments by email at flechelle@nokissing.com.

For more on this subject or to learn more about Fléchelle and her dating philosophy, visit her website at www.nokissing.com.